Where it all began
Nothing says ‘I’ve just ended your life’ like ripping out a man’s heart, showing it to him as it beats in your palm and then ripping out its ventricles with your teeth. That’s how real men end all their fights... well, in video games anyway.
This won’t be the last chainsaw you read about today.
Yes, the fatality is hot property in the world of video games, and it’s not only constrained to the world of fighting either. Many a game offers you the chance to slowly obliterate your opponent in shocking detail. So here, then, is a rundown of seven of the most shocking and outrageous game fatalities ever to grace the gaming kingdom.
Kratos had not quite understood the concept of a head massage.
We imagine pulling someone’s head off is rather tricky as they are stuck on there pretty tight. This didn’t prove too much of a problem for the angriest Greek known to mankind, however, as he managed this skin-snapping feat in God of War 3.
Terry’s Uncle Fester impression was fantastic
Kratos is known for his penchant for the over-dramatic death moves and has delighted fans for many years with his blood-soaked, sinew-snapping escapades. We all remember pulling out our first Cyclops eye... honestly, who could forget? But, for sheer rudeness alone, popping Helios’ head clean off his shoulders and using it as a weapon has got to be our favourite.
So that’s what happens when I get shot in the face.
Sniping fools from a great distance is not usually something that brings you close to the gory detail of battle, usually because you are camping two miles away in a bell tower, pretending not to be there. Be that as it may, Sniper Elite V2 brought the horror of war much closer to home with its inventive ‘x-ray vision’ camera angle.
Wait… why am I smiling?
Bones snap, organs burst and eyes pop out as your bullets spiral through your enemies, and it’s all made clear as day thanks to SEV2’s insistence on a Gunther von Hagen style level of detail. Thanks to this game, we know that being shot by a sniper is bad for your overall health... thanks guys.
The argument over the missing bottle of Sunny D had gotten out of hand.
A game that has a gun that doubles up as a chainsaw was always going to become part of this list. Getting up close and personal in most online death matches means a melee strike is usually on the cards. A swift flick of the knife is usually just enough to end it all. Not for Gears of War though... no, no, no.
Gonna cut that man right outa my hair.
That roaring grind, first splash of claret blood and before you know it, it’s all over... all over your face. The Lancer’s chainsaw bayonet is by far one of the most famous weapons in video games, and by the time you’ve driven the teeth of this thing into the flesh of your foes, you know why.
Please put something more heroic than ‘death by spinning hat’ on my grave stone.
This one has a touch of the Blowfeld about it. Have you ever wondered what would have happened if one of his cunning death contraptions had finally killed James Bond? Well ponder no longer; Mortal Kombat 9 has found the answer.
Turned out nice again… for me.
Firing his spinning hat into the round, Kung Lao drags his screaming opponent across the scything bonnet, legs akimbo cleaving them clean in two. Lao holds the dripping corpse aloft and smiles to the camera like a callous butcher with a prize hock. MK’s fatalities are legendary, and now you know why.
What did I get from the store? A BAG FULL OF PAIN!
Ah, the plastic bag; carrier of shopping, scourge of conversationalists and subject of a stupid home video in American Beauty. The plastic bag may be a surprise weapon in a list that included chainsaw guns and ripsaw hats but, as logic slowly gives way to madness, the resourceful killer can become the most brutal.
Barry concluded his balaclava was on too tight.
Cash, the ‘hero’ of Manhunt, employs the bag in three brutal ways, all of which don’t bear thinking about. While not as blood soaked as some of the other entries, the bag is just as shocking, due to its everyday use. And we thought it was only cats and badgers that got trapped and suffocated in these things.
Run to the Hills.
On the surface, Bayonetta didn’t make a huge amount of sense. When you scratched beneath the surface, however, it made even less sense. Keep digging and you’d eventually come across a giant pink centre made mainly of WTF?! Bear with us; when the time came to dispatch an enemy Bayonetta’s hair would mutate and morph into some form of nasty S&M style contraption, with which she used to crush, smash and generally eradicate anything within its path.
These boots were made for pwning.
Iron Maidens, Guillotines and Dragon Demons from the depths of hell can be called upon to exact her outrageous punishment. It’s an unconventional way to dispatch one’s foe, to be sure, but it certainly is memorable. Oh yeah, she’s got guns on her shoes too.
Can’t quite see what’s going on here, but I assume something is being killed?
Platinum games again with the Wii exclusive and excessively violent Madworld. It’s almost impossible to pick one particular move from Jack’s repertoire to focus on, as they’re all fairly horrendous. Somewhere near the top of the pile, however, is seeing him split an enemy from head to toe with a giant pair of scissors. You don’t see that on the Wii very often.
That’s one way to cure heartburn.
What really exemplifies Jack’s outrageous finishers is the colour drained world in which he lives. Clean white walls and perfect pitch-black shadow become glossed with rose-red gore once he gets his twin chainsaws revved up. It’s almost poetic... almost.
Well, it was messy, but we got there. Those were the top seven most amazing death moves in video games. Just remember though that it’s not all fun and games. As you joyfully pull the arms off your enemies and beat them to death with the soggy end, there are developers out there who would love to see you, the gamer, come to an equally sticky end.
… just don’t turn round kid.
Take Limbo, for example; no life bar, no defence, no weapons – just you versus the world... and what a wicked, evil world it is. Your boy can be fried, impaled, crushed, drowned, cocooned by a giant spider, Shanghaied by a fake spider, burned, shot... did I mention crushed? Yeah I did. Basically, everything is after you. Think of it as retaliation for years of melon popping.